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The Best Ted Lasso Quotes on AppleTV+

Ted Lasso is one of the best shows on television. Ted is always uplifting people with his positivity. But he’s not the only funny one. Here are some of the best Ted Lasso quotes from Roy Kent, Ted Lasso, Keeley, Sam, Coach Beard, and more! Both Seasons 1 and 2 Ted Lasso quotes are covered here!

Ted Lasso Quotes Season 1

The Best Quotes from Ted Lasso on AppleTV+ 

Jason Sudeikis plays Ted Lasso, a small-time college football coach from Kansas hired to coach a professional soccer team in England, despite having no experience coaching soccer. He’s really hired to make the team worse, but he doesn’t know that, and manages to win everyone over with his charm and positivity.

It’s hard not to like Ted, though he may not be everyone’s cup of tea. Some of his sayings are corny, but they make me laugh!

The second season of Ted Lasso is just as good as the first, and I will continue to update these quotes as the second season continues. Some quotes are funny, some are thoughtful and inspirational. Did I miss any of your favorite Ted Lasso quotes? Drop them in the comments below. 

Also check out this Ted Lasso Parents Guide if you need age recommendations for the show and these Ted Lasso memes for another smile. 

Funny Ted Lasso Quotes

When it comes to locker rooms, I like ’em just like my mother’s bathing suits. I only wanna see ’em in one piece. -Ted Lasso

Maybe you should stop battling people that just want to help you. -Keeley

People tear their butts all the time in athletics. -Ted

Last one there is a Scotch egg. -Ted

Be curious, not judgmental. -Ted

I like the idea of someone becoming rich because of what they gave to the world, not just because of who their family is. -Sam

Sam Quotes from Ted Lasso

You act like I’m chasing you with a booger. -Ted

Can I think about it? -Roy
I’d call you a big dummy poopoo face if you didn’t. -Ted

It’s ok Nate. We’re all good in the hood. -Ted

You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It’s a goldfish. You know why? Got a ten-second memory. Be a goldfish, Sam. -Ted

Y’all kicked their butts from soup to nuts. -Ted

Butts on three.  -Coach Beard

Pressure makes pearls, right? -Ted

I haven’t seen someone that disappointed to see me since I wore a red baseball cap to a Planned Parenthood fundraiser. -Ted

Ted Lasso Quotes Season 2

I wish I was Keeley three, four times a day. -Ted

I shouldn’t bring an umbrella to a brainstorm, so I appreciate you getting the ball rolling, Nate. -Ted

All people are different people. -Ted

Don’t you dare settle for fine. -Roy Kent

You can’t get hurt if you don’t try. -Keeley

Old people are so wise. They’re like tall Yodas. -Jamie

Now listen up you little turd birds! -Ted Lasso

Touch your toes! Those are your feet fingers. -Ted Lasso

I haven’t seen a pass that soft since my high school drama teacher asked me to mow his lawn. -Ted Lasso

Best Keeley Quotes Ted Lasso

If that’s a joke, I love it. If not, can’t wait to unpack that with you later. -Ted

I do love a locker room. It smells like potential. -Ted

I’m sort of famous for being almost famous. -Keeley

I’ve been to Vegas many times. One night is good, two nights is perfect, three is too many. -Coach Beard

Hold me closer, Tiny Dancer, Prancer and Vixen. -Ted Lasso

Ted Lasso Christmas Quotes

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