52 Hilarious National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation Quotes

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation is a holiday must-see every year. The Griswold Family sure knows how to bring the laughs and love. Enjoy these hilarious Christmas Vacation quotes from Clark Griswold, Cousin Eddie, Ellen Griswold, Grandpa Art, Rusty, and more!

The Best Christmas Vacation Movie Quotes

Clark Griswald (Chevy Chase), is a hard-working father of two teens and is determined to show his family a fun-filled, old-fashioned Christmas in NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION. His philosophy of the more the merrier may backfire when you add in in-laws and a crazy cousin, especially a Cousin Eddie. 

The whole movie is hilarious and perhaps a bit dumb, but that’s what makes it a classic. This Christmas Vacation Parents Guide will give you age recommendations, because there are some iffy scenes. 

Did I miss any of your favorite quotes from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation? Drop them in the comments below. And enjoy these funny Christmas Vacation memes!

• Eat my road grit, liver lips! -Clark
• We’re not driving all the way out here so you can get one of those stupid ties with the Santa Clauses on it, are we dad? – Audrey
  No, I have one of those at home. -Clark
• Hey, look kids, a deer! -Clark

• Clark, stop it. I don’t want to spend the holidays dead. -Ellen
• Dad, didn’t they invent Christmas tree lots so people wouldn’t have to drive all the way out to no where and waste and entire Saturday? -Rusty
• Clark, Audrey’s frozen from the waist down. -Ellen
  Ah, it’s all part of the experience honey -Clark
• It’s not big, it’s just…full. -Clark
• Dad, that thing wouldn’t fit in our yard. -Rusty
  It’s not going in our yard Russ. It’s going in our living room. -Clark
• She’ll see it later honey, her eyes are frozen shut. -Ellen
• Hey Griswold, where do you think you’re are going to put a tree that big? -Todd
  Bend over and I’ll show you. -Clark

• There’s a lot of sap in here. Looks great. A little full. A lot of sap. -Clark
• Christmas is about resolving differences and seeing through the petty problems of family life. -Clark
• You set standards that no family can live up to. -Ellen
• You’re the last true family man. -Bill
• You think you might be overdoing it, dad? -Rusty
  Russ, when was the last time I overdid anything? -Clark
• I hope he falls and breaks his neck. -Margo
  I’m sure he’ll fall, but I don’t think we’re lucky enough to have him break his neck. -Todd
• I’m not sure what to say, except it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery. -Ellen

• Shi**er’s full. -Eddie
• And why is the carpet all wet Todd? -Margo
  I don’t know Margo! -Todd
• He worked really hard grandma. -Audrey
  So do washing machines. -Ellen’s Dad
• Honey, do you honestly think I would check thousands of tiny little lights if I didn’t make sure the extension cord was plugged in? -Clark
• Surprised Eddie? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am right now. -Clark
• You better take a rain check on that Art. He’s got a lip fungus they ain’t identified yet. -Eddie
• That’s somethin’, ain’t it? She falls in a well, eyes go crossed. She gets kicked by a mule, they go back to normal. I don’t know. -Eddie

• The older boy, bless his soul, is preparing for his career. -Eddie
  College? -Clark
  Carnival. -Eddie
  You gotta be proud. -Clark
• Oh yeah, last season, he was a pixie dust spreader on the tilt-a-whirl. He thinks that maybe next year, he’ll be guessing people’s weight, or barking for the yak woman. -Eddie
• I don’t know if I oughta go sailing down no hill with nothing between the ground and my brain but piece of government plastic. -Eddie
  Do you really think it matters Eddie? -Clark
• I love it here. You don’t got to put on your coat to go to the bathroom, and your house is always parked in the same place. -Ruby Sue
• If that thing had nine lives, she just spent ’em all. -Eddie
• Hurry up, Clark. I’m freezing my baguettes off. -Art
• Mom, this box is meowing. -Rusty

• You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant. -Lewis
• What is it? A letter confirming your reservation at the nut house? -Grandpa Art
• It’s…it’s… it’s a one-year membership in the jelly-of-the-month club. -Clark 
• Clark, that’s the gift that keeps on giving the whole year. -Eddie
• I didn’t go berserk. I simply solved a problem. -Clark
• Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead? -Clark
• I’m sorry, this is our family’s first kidnapping. -Ellen
• This isn’t charity, it’s family. -Clark

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