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50 Best National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation Quotes

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation is a holiday must-see every year. The Griswold Family sure knows how to bring the laughs and love. Enjoy these best Christmas Vacation quotes from favorite characters Clark Griswold, Cousin Eddie, Ellen Griswold, Grandpa Art, Rusty, and more!

Christmas Vacation Quotes

The Best Christmas Vacation Quotes

Clark Griswald (Chevy Chase), a hard-working father of two teens, is determined to show his family a fun-filled, old-fashioned Christmas in NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION. His philosophy of the more the merrier may backfire when you add in in-laws and a crazy cousin.

The whole movie is hilarious, but these are my favorite quotes from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Did I miss any of your favorites? Drop them in the comments below. 

We’re not driving all the way out here so you can get one of those stupid ties with the Santa Clauses on it, are we dad? – Audrey No, I have one of those at home. -Clark

Hey, look kids, a deer! -Clark

Eat my road grit, liver lips! -Clark

Best Christmas Vacation quotes from Clark Griswold

Clark, stop it. I don’t want to spend the holidays dead. -Ellen

Dad, didn’t they invent Christmas tree lots so people wouldn’t have to drive all the way out to no where and waste and entire Saturday? -Rusty

Clark, Audrey’s frozen from the waist down. -Ellen
Ah, it’s all part of the experience honey -Clark

It’s not big, it’s just…full. -Clark

Dad, that thing wouldn’t fit in our yard. -Rusty
It’s not going in our yard Russ. It’s going in our living room. -Clark

She’ll see it later honey, her eyes are frozen shut. -Ellen

Hey Griswald, where do you think you’re are going to put a tree that big? -Todd
Bend over and I’ll show you. -Clark

There’s a lot of sap in here. Looks great. A little full. A lot of sap. -Clark

Christmas is about resolving differences and seeing through the petty problems of family life. -Clark

You set standards that no family can live up to. -Ellen

You’re the last true family man. -Bill

You think you might be overdoing it, dad? -Rusty
Russ, when was the last time I overdid anything? -Clark

I hope he falls and breaks his neck. -Margo
I’m sure he’ll fall, but I don’t think we’re lucky enough to have him break his neck. -Todd

I’m not sure what to say, except it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery. -Ellen

Ellen Quotes Christmas Vacation

Shi**er’s full. -Eddie

And why is the carpet all wet Todd? -Margo
I don’t know Margo! -Todd

He worked really hard grandma. -Audrey
So do washing machines. -Ellen’s Dad

Honey, do you honestly think I would check thousands of tiny little lights if I didn’t make sure the extension cord was plugged in? -Clark

Surprised Eddie? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am right now. -Clark

You better take a rain check on that Art. He’s got a lip fungus they ain’t identified yet. -Eddie

That’s somethin’, ain’t it? She falls in a well, eyes go crossed. She gets kicked by a mule, they go back to normal. I don’t know. -Eddie

The older boy, bless his soul, is preparing for his career. -Eddie
College? -Clark
Carnival. -Eddie
You gotta be proud. -Clark

Oh yeah, last season, he was a pixie dust spreader on the tilt-a-whirl. He thinks that maybe next year, he’ll be guessing people’s weight, or barking for the yak woman. -Eddie

I don’t know if I oughta go sailing down no hill with nothing between the ground and my brain but piece of government plastic. -Eddie
Do you really think it matters Eddie? -Clark

I love it here. You don’t got to put on your coat to go to the bathroom, and your house is always parked in the same place. -Ruby Sue

If that thing had nine lives, she just spent ’em all. -Eddie

Hurry up, Clark. I’m freezing my baguettes off. -Art

You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant. -Lewis

What is it? A letter confirming your reservation at the nut house? -Grandpa Art

It’s, it’s, it’s, a one-year membership in the jelly-of-the-month club. -Clark 

Clark, that’s the gift that keeps on giving the whole year. -Eddie

I didn’t go berzerk. I simply solved a problem. -Clark

Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead? -Clark

I’m sorry, this is our family’s first kidnapping. -Ellen

Mom, this box is meowing. -Rusty

This isn’t charity, it’s family. -Clark

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

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