The Funniest Jungle Cruise Movie Quotes

Have you seen Disney’s Jungle Cruise? It’s full of punny jokes that are worthy of the Disney attraction. Check out some of the funniest Jungle Cruise quotes from Skipper Frank, Lily, and MacGregor. 

Best Jungle Cruise Movie Quotes

If you’ve ridden the Jungle Cruise at Disneyland or Walt Disney World, you know the Skippers tell a bunch of corny jokes. That’s what makes the ride. They added a bunch of those Skipper quotes in the movie, Jungle Cruise, too, and I was dying laughing! Did I miss any of your favorite Jungle Cruise Skipper quotes from the movie? Drop them in the comments below!

Go on the adventure of a lifetime on Disney’s JUNGLE CRUISE, a thrill-ride down the Amazon with wisecracking skipper Frank Wolff (Dwayne Johnson) and researcher Dr. Lily Houghton (Emily Blunt). Lily travels from London, England to the Amazon jungle and enlists Frank’s questionable services to guide her downriver on his boat. Lily is determined to uncover an ancient tree with unparalleled healing abilities–possessing the power to change the future of medicine. Thrust on this epic quest together, the unlikely duo encounters countless dangers and supernatural forces, all lurking in the deceptive beauty of the lush rainforest. But as the secrets of the lost tree unfold, the stakes reach even higher for Lily and Frank and their fate–and mankind’s–hangs in the balance.

The Jungle Cruise can get a little dark, so check out this Jungle Cruise Parents Guide if you’re wondering about age recommendations.

Of all the Jungle Cruises you could take in the Amazon, this one is undoubtedly the cheapest. -Skipper Frank

Where were we? -Frank
About to die. -Passenger

Who brings a submarine to the Amazon? -Frank

Well folks, you were all outstanding today. Now I need you all out standing on the dock. That means get off my boat. I’m only serious. -Skipper Frank

Ma’am, don’t forget to take your baggage. I’m only kidding. He’s behind you. -Skipper Frank

I had a girlfriend once. She was cross-eyed. It didn’t work out. We could never see eye-to-eye. -Frank

I’m also quite sure she was seeing somebody on the side. -Frank

I have been turned out from come of the best clubs in Europe. -MacGregor

Haven’t you been dreaming of another adventure? -Lily

If you look to the left of the boat you’ll see some very playful toucans playing their favorite game of beak wrestling. The only drawback is… only two can play. -Frank

The rocks you see here in the river are sandstone, but some people just take them for granite.  It’s one of my boulder attractions. -Frank

You know, before this I worked in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn’t concentrate. Yeah they put the squeeze on me, too. -Frank

You know they say the boa constrictor right there is capable of eating up to 500 lbs per sitting. Personally I find that very hard to swallow. -Frank

Mommy, can you please make him stop? -Little Girl
No one can. And don’t interrupt me like that again. I will feed you to the boa. -Frank
She is a small child. -Mother
He loves small children. -Frank

Ladies and gentleman, the 8th wonder of the world…the backside of water. -Frank

It looks just like the front side. -Passenger
It’s completely different; it’s the 8th wonder of the world. The backside of water. Guys get your cameras out. You don’t want to miss this. Snap, snap, snap. -Frank

Listen up, I get paid by the number of people I take out, not by the number of people I bring back. -Frank

You are deeply unpleasant and off-key. -Lily

Is there a single thing I can trust about you? -Lily
Not a thing. -Frank

She stood by me and for that I’d follow her into a volcano. -MacGregor

Remember it’s only a scam if you fall for it. -Frank