Why We Skipped Kindergarten Registration

Today we ditched Kindergarten registration. We ditched preschool, too. Today was the day that the preschool had been talking about. It’s the day to register the upcoming Kindergarten class for the fall. Well I wasn’t ready. And not in the disorganized, no-paperwork type of way (well that, too), but I wasn’t emotionally ready. My 4-year-old is my baby. She’s it. She’s the last one, and I’m in denial.

This is what a typical day looks like. Random clothes thrown about the room, hey a giant box that’s been there for probably way too long, and entertaining a preschooler and dog while I try to get work done. Sometimes we run errands, sometime we do lunch, sometimes we play games, sometimes we watch TV. Every day is a little different while still the same. In one breath I’m pleading for a longer preschool day and in the next I’m begging time to slow down.

Kindergarten Registration Day

So today was the day. However rather than get it done, I decided to go out to lunch with my girl, went to Target, let her pick out a movie and a treat, and now we’re home watching Sing. Why is the last one the hardest for me? I didn’t have a problem with the other 4 girls when they started; I always had someone else at home with me.

One, I know I’ll miss her. But two, it’s a big change. I lose my identity as a stay-at-home mom.

The time has arrived when in years prior I said I would go back to work. The truth is I don’t want to go back to work. I found something that I enjoy doing from home. However, now that I won’t have any kids at home during the day, I’ve lost my “excuse” to be here. Don’t get me wrong, there’s still plenty to do while the kids are at school. I could fill my days in laundry alone, but for some reason, it seems final.

In my sleepless, frustrated days I’ve longed for freedom. If I’m being honest though, I don’t want to be alone. When it’s a couple of hours a day, it’s just what I need. When it’s every weekday, I’m afraid of the solitude.

This face has been my sidekick for the last 4 1/2 years. She was my partner in Bus Stop Costumes. She drives me crazy a lot of the time, but I don’t know if I can send her off into the world just yet. I could technically keep her home another year since she’s an August birthday, but I don’t want to make decisions based on what I need rather than what she needs. So for now we’ll elude Kindergarten registration while we still can.