Skip to Content

The Funniest Home Alone Movie Quotes

Home Alone is a Christmas classic, and Kevin McAllister has the best one-liners. You know you’re screaming, “Kevvvvinnnnn” every time you watch. Enjoy the funniest Home Alone quotes from Kevin, Buzz, Harry, Marv, and more!

Home Alone Quotes from Kevin

Best Home Alone Movie Quotes

When 8-year-old Kevin McCallister (Macaulay Culkin) acts out the night before a family trip to Paris, his mother (Catherine O’Hara) makes him sleep in the attic. After the McCallisters mistakenly leave for the airport without Kevin, he awakens to an empty house and assumes his wish to have no family has come true. But his excitement turns to disappointment when he realizes that two con men (Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern) plan to rob the McCallister residence, and that he alone must protect the family home.

Some of these quotes from Home Alone make me laugh out loud and some are totally rude. Did I miss any of your favorites? Drop them in the comments below. 

Wondering if Home Alone is kid friendly? This Home Alone Parents Guide tells you what parents need to know.

Did I burn down the joint? I don’t think so. I was making ornaments out of fishhooks. -Kevin

This house is so full of people it makes me sick. When I grow up and get married, I’m living alone. -Kevin

I took a shower, washing every body part with actual soap…including all my major crevices, including in between my toes and in my belly button, which I never did before but sort of enjoyed. -Kevin

All kids, no parents. Probably a fancy orphanage. -Harry

Kevin, you are such a disease. -Jeff

Buzz, I’m reading through all your private stuff, you better come out and pound me! -Kevin

You bomb me with one more can, kid, and I’ll snap off your cajones and boil them in motor oil! -Harry

I wouldn’t let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my a**. -Buzz

Hey, I’m gonna give you to the count of ten, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead! 1, 2, 10. -Gangster Johnny

Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association? -Kevin

Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen. -Kevin

Best Home Alone Quotes

He’s a kid. Kids are stupid. I know I was. -Marv

Keep the change, ya filthy animal! -Gangster Johnny

You’re what the French call “Les Incompetents.” -Linnie

Only a wimp would be hiding under a bed. And I can’t be a wimp. I’m the man of the house. -Kevin

Guys! I’m eating junk and watching rubbish. You better come out and stop me. -Kevin

Harry, it’s our calling card! All the great ones leave their marks. We’re the wet bandits. -Marv

Buzz! Your girlfriend. Woof! -Kevin

Merry Christmas little fella. We know that you’re in there and that you’re all alone. -Harry

Beat that you little trout sniffer. -BuzzHome Alone Movie Quotes Marv and Harry

Is Home Alone Kid Friendly? Parents Guide - Lola Lambchops

Tuesday 7th of December 2021

[…] are plenty of hijinks and silly Home Alone quotes that will make kids laugh. I would recommend it for kids ages 10 and older. Although the thought of […]